A divorce causes drastic changes in your life because you are suddenly alone. You may have children, friends, and other family members who love and encourage you, but it is not the same as it is with a spouse. Morning coffee becomes just a routine, you watch movies with a bowl of ice cream, and those early morning conversations are now between you and the cat. Things are different, and loneliness can become commonplace. The first year is the hardest because it is a new experience.
Do You Really Miss Your Ex?
Most people miss the experiences they had with their former spouse. When you have been part of a relationship for years, it is difficult when it ends. Perhaps you went out for dinner and a movie twice a month, bowled with friends, enjoyed camping, solved crossword puzzles over coffee, and went for evening walks. The activities you shared are what you miss; if you and your spouse were compatible, you would not have divorced. Remember, if you enjoyed going out to dinner and a movie when you were married, you will still enjoy the experience with friends. Everything you did with your former spouse is still fun for you to do with friends, a date, or by yourself. If you feel lonely at night, it is because you have been used to having another person to talk to or watch a television show with. Invite a friend over or consider getting a roommate.
Holidays And Special Occasions
There are some days when loneliness hits you harder. You and your spouse may have created your own traditions for birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. You thought they would last a lifetime, but they no longer matter. Start new traditions for every day that is important to you. Don’t allow yourself to slip into an emotional funk because your former spouse didn’t acknowledge your birthday. Unless you have children, you will probably never hear from your former spouse again
How Long Will It Last?
Some people get over the loneliness quickly, and for others it can last a year or two. If it continues longer than a year, consider some counseling. It can be helpful in getting over the hang-ups and baggage of divorce. Think about the many benefits of being divorced. You can have the whole bed to yourself and sleep in the middle, from side to side, or diagonally. All of the ice cream and snacks are yours. You now own the entire closet and can fill it up anyway you want. You can stay up late and sleep in on the weekend. You have some special alone time to read a book, do something with other single friends, or go fishing. Having some alone time is healthy, and it gives you a chance to consider your future and the direction you want to go. Don’t waste your life sulking and being angry while your former spouse is happy and moving on. Live your new life with joy, and send the old one packing.
The way to meet new people and make friends is to be out in public socializing. If you have hobbies, find a group of people who share your interests, and join in their activities. Do some volunteer work at a school or hospital. Getting involved in new activities will drive loneliness away and fill your life with new adventures.
Loneliness is a real problem that accompanies divorce, but you can work to dispel it by concentrating on the things that matter in your life. If you find loneliness is overwhelming you, don’t hesitate to seek some professional counseling, and get your life back on track.
If you have any questions concerning divorce, call the Law Offices of at (201) 845-7400 for a free 30 minute in office consultation.