Over half of the adult population in the United States has been through at least one divorce. Many divorced individuals move on and remarry and find themselves in a more successful relationship, but some people get divorced and lose confidence in their ability to have a happy healthy relationship. If you are someone that is ready to build a happy and lasting relationship, there are a few factors you can take into consideration to lower your odds of divorce. Here are the top five causes of divorce.
- You married for the wrong reasons.
It seems like common sense that getting married for status or money can lead to an unhappy union that ends up getting cut short by divorce. However, there are other reasons you should avoid saying “I do”, many couples marry due to unplanned pregnancy or to cope with their own feelings of loneliness. One way to avoid this pitfall is by truly examining your motives for marriage before you set the date, determine if you truly love the person you are with or if you are simply afraid of being by yourself.
- You lose your individuality.
Compromise is a healthy part of every relationship. Every couple should expect to make sacrifices occasionally to build a strong and happy marriage. Unfortunately, many couples make the mistake of hyper-focusing on their relationship to the point that they lose any sense of personal identity. This kind of co-dependency can lead to misunderstandings, arguments and hurt feelings. It is important that each person in a relationship maintains their own interests and provides their spouse with enough room to do the same.
- You both define success differently.
Typically, different ideas of success in relationships can boil down to money issues, and career issues. If one spouse is unmotivated to move beyond a minimum-wage, entry-level position, and the other is constantly over-achieving to work towards their dream of a white-picket fence around their beautiful home in a prestigious neighborhood, it may lead to feelings of resentment. It is important for each partner to discuss their ideas of personal success before getting married.
- Lack of physical intimacy.
Of course, no relationship can last based on sex alone. But physical intimacy is an intrinsic part of every romantic relationship. It can be normal to go through sexual dry spells, but both couples need to communicate openly through these seasons in their marriage. Physical intimacy within marriage promotes loyalty and can even increase feelings of self-worth, especially once couples have already had children. It can be difficult to slow down enough to make time for each other, but the sacrificial act of simply making time to be with your spouse can save your marriage.
- Different conflict resolution styles.
Many mental-health professionals recommend that couples do not get married until they have experienced their first heated disagreement. Many factors can play into how someone handles conflict resolution in marriage, including the way their parents fought and how they were treated by peers or siblings growing up. If your conflict resolution style differs, therapy can be beneficial in saving your relationship.
The truth is, every relationship worth having, is full of risk and adventure. With a little bit of caution, communication and grace, having a healthy marriage that stands the test of time is possible. Don’t let divorce statistics or past failures keep you from enjoying the kind of marriage everyone hopes to experience in their life.
If you are thinking about a divorce, call the Law Offices Of Peter Van Aulen for a free initial consultation at (201) 845-7400.