Even an amicable divorce can be stressful; people feel like failures, and there’s a sense of deep sadness. Less agreeable divorces bring added pain as couples sink into negativity, blaming each other for conflict. Staying calm, or learning how to move back into a relaxed state when you’re upset, can make splitting up bearable.
Recognize the origin of your pain
You can’t heal negative emotions unless you understand where they originate. During a NJ divorce, people imagine their anxiety stems from the other person involved. They rarely see they create stress and trauma with their thoughts. There’s no denying your spouse might have done and said things that made you want them out of your life. However, the way you deal with feelings, and those you encourage to arise, is up to you.
You contribute to painful emotions when you justify why you need a divorce. Negative thoughts involving blame ruin any chance of positivity and leave you reeling. Recognize your spouse isn’t making you entertain thoughts that leave you depressed. It’s time to take back the power to create the emotions you want.
Slow down momentum
By the time you go through a painful divorce, the energy of negativity is flowing. At present, there’s an emotional wheel spinning, fueled by distressing thoughts. The more upset you are, the more momentum is created. To gain clarity and a calm mind, you need to slow the wheel down. You need to stop qualifying why you are distressed.
When thoughts about why you need a divorce arise, give yourself a pep talk, which might go like this:
“What happened is behind me. I choose to move into the present, where I am learning to cope with each moment as it comes. I know that if I go over my painful past, I keep it going. I decide to let it go and look at what’s before me now. My only job is to deal with how I interact with what’s happening this second or to plan for a bright future. By mostly staying present, and occasionally thinking ahead, I give myself the gift of a clear, calm mind.”
When you look ahead, be aware of the strength of having made a positive decision to improve life. Let the realization of having taken control empower you. Even if divorcing wasn’t your idea, know you can govern your future. Also, know the way you perceive your relationship will always color your emotional health. See your divorce as contributing to personal growth rather than your downfall.
Staying calm while you go through a divorce will be tough if you attribute your feelings to your spouse. Once you know you are in charge of your thoughts and the feelings to which they contribute, your confidence and ability to cope will expand. If there’s a momentum of negativity flowing, slow it down by moving into the present. Use positive self-talk to shift your mental state to a higher level. You can find clarity and peace by dropping thoughts of blame and opting to leave the past behind. If you have any questions concerning your NJ divorce call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a free 30 minute in office consultation.