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Divorce Recovery – Acceptance

When your divorce is the result of a cheating spouse, it can often be difficult to accept. Too often, the faithful party accepts the blame and responsibility for their spouse’s infidelity. It’s important to recognize that cheating is a choice your spouse made. It was not your idea. You will ask yourself lots questions after your divorce. Why did he or she cheat? Does he or she feel bad about what they did? When is this terrible feeling going to end? Although most people ask these kinds of questions, they are not helpful to the healing process.

How to Begin the Healing Process

You want your life back, but accomplishing this takes some determined effort. You must accept that you are divorced, on your own, and responsible for your happiness. Take control of everyday responsibilities. If you have children, be sure they know they are safe and secure even though their time is shared between parents. Take a few small steps each day toward creating the new life you envision. Trying to win back a spouse is an emotionally unhealthy activity. Never use your children to try and make the ex-spouse feel guilty. If you have no children, there is absolutely no reason to have any association with your former spouse. It’s time to concentrate on building a life that is satisfying and rewarding.

Taking Control of Your Life

Some professionals say it can take six months to a year of recovery for each five years of marriage. Your divorce issues will not disappear overnight, but you can take control of your life immediately. One part of taking control includes allowing yourself time to grieve when anniversary, birthday, and other holiday celebrations arrive. You must get through them before you can move forward. There is no weakness involved in mourning a loss. It is healthier than getting up each day angry and spiteful. The first year of your divorce is a journey, and only you can decide what direction it will take. Your future is in your hands, don’t give it back to someone who has already moved on.

Being Thankful

Stress and exhaustion are part of the emotional baggage attached to divorce, but each day you can dump some of the things that have been hanging on. Look in the mirror and smile back at yourself. Tell the reflection that your life is valuable and important. Be thankful for the sleep you had and for the morning. Enjoy a hot cup of coffee or tea with a healthy breakfast. A nutritious diet will help you both physically and emotionally. A healthy mind and body are essential to recovery. Remind yourself that your divorce has freed you to be who you really are. Think about the things you’ve dreamed of doing, and start making plans to do all that are affordable. Learn a new language, take music or dance lessons, trace your genealogy, or take up a new hobby. Add physical activity to your schedule every day. Walking, running, dancing, swimming, hiking, and similar activities are all healthy for mind and body, and each puts you in control of your life.

Getting over a divorce is a difficult thing to do, but taking charge of your life will make it much easier. Don’t be afraid to take time to mourn your loss, and then get busy and move forward. There is an exciting future waiting for you. If any questions about divorce call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen¬†at (201) 845-7400 for a free initial consultation.


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Peter Van Aulen is certified by the New Jersey Supreme Court as a Matrimonial Attorney.

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