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How to Get Along During a Divorce

 Animosity between parents going through a divorce can be emotionally damaging to a child. For this reason, it is critical for parents not to show their frustration toward each other in front of the children. Here are three ways to ensure that you and your former partner can remain civil while going through a divorce.

Deal with Your Emotions First

With all the paperwork that needs your attention, and your need to adjust to your new life, the last thing you want to dwell on are your emotions. Unfortunately, negative emotions are a part of divorce, and bottling them up can lead to anger and resentment. Deal with your feelings first, even if this means seeking professional counseling. The more consistently you address your emotional health, the less animosity there will be between you and your former partner.

Think Before You Act

I was once told by a colleagues that criminal lawyers often represent bad people acting their best in a criminal case and divorce lawyers often represent good people acting their worst during a divorce. Do not go down this path. Acting poorly towards your spouse and involving your children can hurt own case and damage your children. Therefore, think before you act. Your actions can have a short and long term affect on your life and the lives of your children.

 Use Logic When Dividing Your Assets

 The division of assets falls second only to bitterly debated custody disputes with respect to its capacity to generate animosity between partners. When it comes time to divide your assets, consider the needs of the children before your own. If there are pets involved, consider keeping them where the children will be most often. Seek to have a fair and equitable distribution of assets.  Your partner will likely be more receptive working with you as a business partner rather than as a rival.

Understanding the Affect Your Divorce Will Have on Your Children

 Many concerned parents in the midst of divorce find themselves wondering how this may affect their children. Though every child will cope with their feelings differently, there are many emotions that remain consistent in children whose parents are going through divorce.

What feelings may your child face as a result of divorce?


One feeling that is commonly reported in children as their parents face divorce is guilt. At times, they feel that your divorce may not have occurred if they were not in the picture. They may somehow wonder if they caused the discourse that led to you deciding to part ways. To alleviate feelings of guilt in your child, you should be careful not to criticize their other parent in their midst. It is also important to avoid arguing in front of your child about issues pertaining to their care.


Divorce is stressful for everyone involved including your child. If they have witnessed stressful arguments between their parents, they may have feelings of anxiety regarding being around both of you at the same time. Because of this, you need to make sure you focus all of your attention on your child when life requires you and your ex are together in your child’s presence.


You may pick up on some uncertainty in your child when you are in the throes of divorce. They may seem more anxious about upcoming holidays or events. This is normal for children when going through all the changes that come with divorce. To help ease your child’s fear, you should afford them with plenty of opportunities to discuss their anxiety with you. Make sure they know it is okay for them to be anxious or afraid and that you will be there for them as they sort through these complex feelings.

If you are ending your marriage, please call Peter Van Aulen an experienced New Jersey divorce lawyer at (201) 845-7400 for a free initial consultation.





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